I lost my virginity when I was 16 and though I had a couple of boyfriends while I was at school we never did much more than kissing and touching. I’d given a couple of blow jobs but only got something in return once (maybe twice).
I remember becoming more aware of my body and my needs when I was young, maybe like 12 but I didn’t really understand anything until I was about 14 and I discovered how nice it could be to touch myself. Even then I didn’t know much and the early experiments with my own body hardly moved the Earth, but I liked the feelings all the same.
I must have been nearly 15 when we had sex education in school. It was one of those classes where you have some classes with boys but then in others you’re taken off to meet a nurse who tells you about periods (like most of us hadn’t already figured that out) and how bad boys could be. She talked about rape and she talked about consent being when you want to have sex and agree to do it and rape being when you don’t want sex but are forced to do it anyway. They showed some films and I remember the idea of helplessness sticking in my mind. I imagined myself in that position and, to my horror at the time, found I was getting turned on by the idea. We also had to put condoms on a rubber willy – at the time I assumed it was some medical took for teaching kids but now I know it was actually a dildo – I have one that is pretty much the same!
After the lesson we were each given a packet of condoms, “just in case”, and told to make sure we used them should we have sex. I didn’t plan on having sex – I didn’t have a boyfriend at the time and the idea of sex with random strangers had never even crossed my mind at that age. But, I did want to experience being penetrated. I’d used my fingers before though that was hardly the same – I wanted to feel something inside me.
I hatched a plan – I’d just use something else instead of a boy’s willy. I thought through the options. I was drinking a bottle of coke and I thought, “I could use a bottle”. I quickly realised that a) most plastic bottles aren’t sturdy enough; and b) the idea of putting something that big inside me scared the shit out of me. I had other things like make up containers but they were all way too small. I tried to think of something the same size as a really willy but I wasn’t really sure how big they were – I’d sucked two but once had been years before (that’s a story for another day) and I wasn’t exactly sure of the size of the other. I guessed that something like a carrot or cucumber would be okay.
It was decided, I’d try them and see how I got on. We had them at home I was sure, but I was paranoid my mum would see if I suddenly started taking veg from the kitchen. My route home took me past a supermarket anyway so I popped in. Looking back I must have been really obvious. I went into the shop pretending to be getting a call from mum asking me to buy some carrots and cucumber. I chose a couple of biggish carrots and the first cucumber that came to hand – the whole time I was muttering about my bloody mum making me come to the shop and when I got to the till I was at pains to explain that mum had forgotten to buy these when she went shopping so had sent me. I guess I thought that it would seem obvious to everyone what I planned to do with these dick shaped vegetables – it probably was after all my nonsense.
I hid them in the bottom of my school bag and took them up to my bedroom when I got home and hid them under my bed. I changed and went downstairs to do my homework and act normally until bed time. The whole afternoon/evening my mind was constantly on what I planned to do later.
That night I took a shower. Standing in my bedroom in my towel I felt very horny. I remember feeling excited at what I was going to do but also excited at the feeling of my own horniness. I was watching myself in the mirror then for no reason I decided to drop my towel. I looked at my naked body, took a few steps closer to the mirror and admired myself again. Imagining I was someone else I sucked the tip of my finger then ran it down my throat to my boobs. I held them both, making a hand-bra. I looked down my body, pleased at how flat my tummy was and then at the thin blonde hairs that marked out my pussy between my legs. I ran a hand through them and in that moment decided I didn’t like my hair. I considered cutting it off there and then but I couldn’t without attracting attention from my parents or brother – tho the next day I shaved myself clean in the shower before bed. Slipping a hand between my legs I fingered myself for a moment.
“Emmy are you ready for bed?” My dad shouted up the stairs interrupting my onanism.
“Nearly,” I called back hating that I was still a child with a bed time.
I dried myself, pulled on a nightie and went downstairs to kiss my parents good night.
Back upstairs, I found my veg – they were warm(ish) from being by the radiator that was by my bed. I flicked off the light, stripped off my nightie and climbed naked into bed. I picked up the cucumber first – it felt a little big. I tried it in my mouth and decided I’d start with the carrot. They were both big for carrots – maybe 16 to 18cm long and pretty thick, tho not as thick as the cucumber.
I put one of the condoms on the carrot and was quite pleased to feel the lube on it. I was so wet down there already. I used my fingers first to get myself ready and to relax – I was so tense and nervous. Lining it up with my fingers I felt the tip of the condom-clad-carrot against my pussy. I hesitated then summoned up my bravery and pushed it into myself. The nurse had warned us that we might feel pain the first time we had sex – I know this wasn’t exactly sex but I was worried. I didn’t feel pain.
It felt odd – good odd – to have it inside me. Up til now a finger was the biggest thing to enter me. I used it to fuck myself with for a few minutes. I liked it but I wanted to try a different position and for that I needed something more – something bigger that I could hold on to more easily.
I took the carrot out and pulled the condom off of it. I tried to put it on the cucumber but it wouldn’t work – sorry but I only had two condoms and I wanted to save one. When I couldn’t do it, I used my second condom. This was tight on the cucumber and didn’t reach to the end of the 30cm.
I knelt on my bed and held the cucumber upright beneath my. I guided myself to it and felt the tip of the vegetable. Unlike the carrot this had been sitting on top of my radiator for a few minutes and was nice and warm. I lowered myself down slowly until my bum touched my ankles and I was fully impaled on it. This felt a lot different to the carrot. The carrot had felt good and nice but this was on a different scale. At a guess it must have had twice the girth of the carrot and nearly twice the length. While I’d struggled to keep hold of the carrot this cucumber was so big I easily had a big handhold even while fully impaled as deep as I dared go. I had this feeling of fullness for the first time in my life and I liked it.
I bobbed up and down, rocked my hips and wiggled all around finding what felt best. It was awkward because I had to lean forward to hold on to it. I had an idea. I clamped the cucumber between my lower legs and ankles. While I couldn’t fuck myself up and down as easily like that I could do quite a lot, including leaning back slightly and it felt amazing!
I couldn’t get off in that position so I moved. Daring myself to stand up with it still inside me. It felt so weird like I couldn’t bend properly. I tried playing stood up but it wasn’t good. I laid on my back, reached down and fucked myself. That was good. I quickly found that moving my hips made it feel so much better. I got really close but I couldn’t cum just from the cucumber. I held it in me but instead of fucking myself I rubbed my clit with my fingers. That was what I needed, a few moments and I was on the verge of cumming.
I couldn’t keep quiet but then I couldn’t let myself make a noise either and I definitely couldn’t stop what I was doing. I reached out, felt something furry, grabbed it and clamped it over my face smothering myself. I realised I was smothering myself with one of the Care Bears I’d had since I began collecting them when I was 7. I felt bad using him but I felt good touching myself.
I came hard for the first time in my life. It was nothing like the orgasms I’d experienced before. Those had felt good but were nothing compared to what I was feeling now. Nothing in the world mattered at that moment – nothing mattered except the pleasure I was feeling. It felt like it went on for ever and when it ended I was shell shocked. I lay there unable to move, the cucumber still inside me, my hands rested on my hips and slowly fell to my sides. I stared at the dark ceiling above my bed trying to collect my thoughts and recover the use of my body.
Eventually, I summoned the energy to hide the veg and condoms in the bottom of my school bag so I could throw them away in the morning.
I went to sleep naked in a mixed mood. Part of my enjoyed it and wanted to repeat it right then and there. But, another part of me was sad that I had played with myself and given myself such pleasure – sad that I hadn’t been with a boy. I felt like crying for a few minutes but I don’t think I did. In the end I fell asleep and woke up in the morning feeling fantastic.
Looking back now, I wonder what the men in my life were doing that night. I’ll never know exactly but I know that David would have been about 30 or 31 at the time. He was with a girl and, knowing him, he was probably fucking her that night. Richard would have been about 21 and at university so he was probably drunk. What of all the others who have taken the place of those vegetables over the years? There’s too many to even begin thinking about.